MY PROJECT TO EAT AT EVERY EATING ESTABLISHMENT ON COLFAX, FROM GRANT TO COLORADO BLVD IN GEOGRAPHICAL ORDER, MINUS THE CHAINS.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Her Bar

Well dear readers, I have to be honest with you, I'm in a slump. It seems I somewhat inadvertently skipped not one, but two eateries, due to my own lack of diligence and research. But perhaps something in me wanted to skip ahead, geographically, temporally, to neighborhoods more frequented and. . .friendly? Truly, this stretch of Colfax, from Pearl to Marion and perhaps a few blocks beyond, is just hot, nasty asphalt and cement and exhaust, no trees for respite from the July sun or the stretch of chains, fast-food restaurants all. This is a strip you walk through, not to. But one of my original intentions for this project was to not shun the neighborhoods --because of preconceived notions-- but to embrace them, discover their secrets, or at least discover what the particular eatery brought to Colfax at that location, and conversely, how an eatery's particular location effected it. That first stretch of 15-or-so restaurants fit nicely into my plan, made the project easy to explain and define, even to myself. But Colfax, all 26 miles of it, isn't merely about package deals. The random strip-mall stretches and lonely bus stops and billboards and busted-up sidewalks and seemingly arbitrariness of it all is bogging me down. Where is the soul when it's not obvious? Oh yeah, in the eateries. The hodgepodge of Colfax does have a common thread: the need to serve and be served something to eat. Even Her Bar, which seems like a rather incidental eatery (hence my previous neglect of it), has chosen to offer more than libations. Sometimes it doesn't have to be about the neighborhood, sometimes it's just what's inside that counts. And Her Bar, being an obvious destination location, is definitely in that camp. So tonight, I'm going to find out why lesbians would also choose to eat at their favorite watering hole. 

So I knew they’d constructed a patio, a serious plus for any bar, especially in the evening when it’s actually tolerable to be outside. It seems this added square footage also coincided with Her Bar’s acquiring of an Executive Chef (that’s what it says on the menu), someone named Cajun. When I read this I laughed to myself: I had checked the website to confirm the food rumor, had merely skimmed the content (not because I’m that inattentive but because the font was so hard to read I literally could only skim it for readable words), saw the word “cajun” and assumed I would be in for some spicy seafood and later on, heartburn. But no. At least no to the spicy seafood. The menu at Her Bar kind of looks like something a tweenager would present to her parents, proudly, if she were making dinner for them in a mock-restaurant fashion.  You can feel the care, the thought, but you surely can’t see it. This would be quaint, acceptable, if I truly was being made dinner by a twelve year old (hey, maybe I was) but this is, ostensibly, an eatery. A sampling of items from the menu: “a selection of worldly cheese” (Kristin: they must be well-traveled!); “rings of fire onion rings, with choice of dipping sauce”; “Veg-HER” (raw veggies with sauce choice, not entirely sure about the pun); burger sliders; buffalo chicken sliders. My favorite part is at the bottom of the menu, a section called “After Dinner Drinks”, which includes a Tuaca lemon drop martini and a jalapeno margarita. The sweetest touch is at the very bottom, with the requisite comments about alerting the staff to food allergies and a gratutity of 20% or more for parties 6 or larger. It just seems so, restaurant-like, it’s really trying, and yet. . .

It’s really just a step up from somebody’s back yard. We sit on the patio, after having our bags searched and my favorite water bottle confiscated (it’s a club license thing I assume, and I forgot how serious a butch bouncer can be). The patio is a big wooden deck with a narow wooden bar running the length of it, a smattering of bar stools, and 3 gigantic, round, plastic tables. There’s a free mini-basketball game, colorful and tacky triangles of fabric strung overhead (shade?) and then the bar itself: a portable wooden structure that I’m pretty sure I saw at Home Depot last week, a little metro rack behind it with the booze. It’s casual out here, to say the least, but I like it, I like it a lot. It is so utterly lacking in pretention that I’m a little shocked at what I’ve grown used to in my adult eating-and-drinking life. The service, at first, is a little difficult to assess. We sit at one of the round tables, see the lovely bartender flitting about, flirting with the bouncer, smiling at us but not really serving us. We go to the bar to figure it out, plus it’s high time I get some alcohol in me. I was pleasantly surprised by their one non-corporate beer option, Alaskan Amber. I was convinced I’d have to settle for shwag-piss. And two shots of tequila, Kristin declares. Alright, how about Cuervo, we don’t want to seem too high-falutent, with our microbrews and all. The bartendress pulls out two –are you ready for this?—plastic ramekins to pour the tequila in. Yes! The first shot has a little extra protein in it, and the second and third as well. I mean, it’s an outdoor bar after all. I’m totally undisturbed, I would go so far as to drink it if it were a high quality tequila, but I know that’s uncouth, even at the lesbian bar. The bartender is a little embarassed and offers us a different (better) tequila for the same price. Sold. We take our plastic ramekins and bottles and menus back to the table.

There are three women with very large drums on the patio, each one beating to their own rhythm, albeit quietly. Kristin asks if I’d rather be inside. No honey, it’s nice out, but I know how much pain you’re in right now. If it gets worse, we’ll move. There are fliers strewn about the table, one of them declaring tonight “Tribal Night”. Aha. Hopefully we’ll get opinions formulated, food in our stomachs, and notes diligently taken before they go into a trance. The bartender comes over to take our orders. It’s really a toss up, that is to say, it really doesn’t matter what I order, I know this already, so I go for spicy, my original intention: buffalo chicken sliders. Kristin is feeling healthier so she gets the Veg-HER and watching her say it I had to stifle a laugh. Aparently the sauce choices are bleu cheese and ranch. But of course. The food seems like it takes forever to come out, considering we’re getting the equivalent of crudite and chicken strips, but no matter. We’re on our way to drunk and if people watching is your sport, then Her Bar is an event of Olympic proportions. Finally the paper plates are delivered, mine piled high with waffle cut french fries and three little buns hiding the poulet underneath. Mmm, waffle fries! I’m 99% sure they are those of the Alexis brand one can find in one’s grocer’s freezer, but cooked in a deep fryer with a sprinkling of salt they are heavenly. What ever happen to waffle fries? Are they out of vogue? Okay Her Bar you get points for bringing me back to a time when I surely wouldn’t be caught dead in a dyke bar. Oh how I’ve grown. Kristin’s plate looks like something Amy Sedaris would be really proud of: baby carrots, broccoli, celery, green bell peppers, and button mushrooms, all raw and kinda sweaty and. . .do people really eat raw mushrooms like that? The bowl of ranch has a parsley garnish sprinkled on top. Again, I’m coming back to, to, my seventh grade best friend’s parents’ wet bar in their musty, dark basement. The sounds of the mini basketball affirm my daydream. So the waffle fries are great, the veggies are veggies, and my sliders, you ask? Two chicken nuggets, drenched in Frank’s Red Hot, bleu cheese sauce drizzled on the bun. It’s a chicken nugget sandwich. The phrase executive chef pops in my head again and while I would love to expound on the myriad ways this is an entirely ridiculous notion at a place like Her Bar, this blog is not meant to be a forum for me to judge my fellow queer women. Y’all can talk to me in person about that.

So why would a lesbian choose to eat at Her Bar? Because she’s hungry, and probably drunk, and also, well, undiscerning. There I said it. There’s a time and a place to eat crudite and chicken nuggets, and I really don’t mind paying for it either. Humans are very accomodating, accepting, and adaptable, for how else would we have the ability to create a culture or have relationships? The rules of restaurants change, what’s acceptable to a diner changes, depending on where you’re eating. This seems obvious but it’s something to think about. Why else would we eat at Her Bar? Different  eateries have different definitions of “service” and “good food”, and Her Bar is one of those places that just barely slides by because quite frankly, the clientele doesn’t give a shit. But no one’s really paying attention, except for that femme-y girl taking notes over there. . .

11 comments:

  1. funny! the "executive chef" punch line was well timed.

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  2. YOU are an ASSHOLE! You have no idea about cooking or eating what is cooked! Cajun has the best food I have ever had in Colorado..maybe asslicker, you should have tried her famous catfish or home made hummus! I hope the fuck she sues you for slander DICK! How dare you use her name on the internet without her permission, if you had ANY balls, you would have said it to her face jackass, I am, along with thousands of other people who LOVE her food, are very SURE she can take you out...btw, she is also a 7th degree black belt, put that in your fucking add PUSSY!

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  3. I am with Anonymous, and also will be! She DOES have awesome food and not to mention a very wonderful personality! It is nice to have a REAL CHEF such as her, come out and greet her customers. This is the best food I have ever had and I was born and raised here! You are such a huge asshole for printing shit you do not know crap about, not to mention DIKE, you are not from here! I know for a fact she has cooked for very many celebities as well. I have followed her career for some time now, and have known her for more than 5 years, and she is the very best person you could ever know. You have no fucking idea what you just got your shit into buddy, you just fucked with the wrong lesbian. Like a snake bite, the poison will catch up with you later. Yes, get some balls, and go tell her who you are, your website, and tell her what you typed on here, bet you won't do it, bitch!

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  4. to the previous comments, i would suggest reading the author's disclaimer- "this blog is not meant to be a forum for me to judge my fellow queer women". for being members of a minority that asks for peace, love, and tolerance, you ladies certainly aren't displaying any of your own. that's a shame.

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  5. I do not cinsider you using my friends name in public WITHOUT her permission, and as they said above, I hope she sue's you for slander! You have no idea just how damn good this woman can cook, not to mention how she became a star in Denver over night from it! If she wasn't at Herbar, I promise you, we would follw her anywhere just to eat her food, and we are not alone! My wife and I go in twice a week just to eat her awesome food, not to mention how gorgeous it is when it is placed by her in front of you! Her heart is wide and she saves it for her customers, her passion, and her love of her job, and I for one have never seen one person so happy as much as I do with her. We love her, her food, and her heart, she is AWESOME and I am sure she would appreciate you taking her name off your blog! BTW, you claim you are NOT judging, yet, you so are!

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  6. To the friends of Cajun:
    Perhaps you have misconstrued the intentions of Eat Colfax. To paraphrase myself, I am not a food critic per se. I write about the entire experience of visiting a particular eatery on Colfax, and I only go to each place once (unless I happened to have eaten there before). Therefore each restaurant has one chance to make an impression on me. True, it is a drawback to the project, but I need to set certain parameters in order to make it work. So, that being said, my one impression of the food at Her Bar was exactly as I described it. If you’ll read carefully, you’ll note that I never stated I thought the food was bad. In fact I could quote several statements I made about being happy with my meal, but I won’t, because you can just scroll up and read it for yourselves.
    What strikes me is that you seem to feel I have personally attacked Cajun. I have no doubt, due to your fervent testimony, that she is a wonderful person / passionate about her job / has lots of fans / has a big heart / takes pride in her work / and all the other wonderful things you said about her (although I do question your definition of “celebrity”). She even comes out and greets her customers? That’s great! Every chef should do that from time to time, and I suppose if she had visited my table I would have given her more credit.
    But the thing I want you all to understand, is that this is a blog. I have done absolutely nothing illegal, and I can certainly prove it. All chefs get criticized from time to time. If they didn’t, people like Frank Bruni and Jason Sheehan and Lori Midson would be in the slammer by now, when in reality they get paid thousands of dollars to talk shit about chefs. I don’t get paid a cent, and these blog posts are all just my opinion.
    Because Cajun is such an established, experienced chef (so say your comments), I am sure she’s aware of this aspect of her job. If she has never received criticism before, good for her. But, like all chefs, she should get used to it, because you truly cannot please all customers all the time. I don’t doubt the owner of the establishment realizes this as well.
    To end, I would love to hear the thoughts of Cajun herself and Jody B.

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  7. You know something, Cajun DOES have lots of fans at Herbar...she does greet her customers, does have very wonderful passion for her food, and is loved by everyone that walks in the door. Maybe you should try more of her more famous dishes. The thing is, Cajun does not believe in frozen, she does everything herself from scrath, from prepping it to cooking it to plating it to where you can not believe this food is in a bar. It always makes you feel like you would be in a 5 star restauraunt. The best thing Jodi B. did was hire Cajun. We all love and adore her so very much. She has been a chef, and a great friend. I have seen Cajun also help fellow co-workers after she is off duty. She never complains and always makes a way to make someone smile. Maybe before you stick your own foot in your mouth, you should try again eating her famous hummus, her calzones and pizza's. If you knew anything about real chef's, you would keep your pot hole shut! Cajun is the best thing to ever happen there and the vey best food I have ever in my life being from Denver has ever eaten. I think more should give Cajun credit than they do. She is just not a chef, but, a very well hearted person who adores everyone that goes to Herbar..
    BTW, as I type this, I have 40 people here with me who all agree. We LOVE Cajun and if she ever leaves there, will follow her where she goes. If you knew Cajun, you would never talk shit about her. None of us has ever met anyone like her and never will again. Try (if) next time, to know her and really enjoy her food! Stop being such a selfish bitch!

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  8. CAJUN YOU ROCK!!!!! From ALL of your devoted FANS and customers! We have your back girl!

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  9. Cajun is too FUCKING good for even her bar...wtf....I saw that manager guy yell at her so many times and she just walked in shame and took it in...what a dick!
    Cajun is a very wonderful chef and needs to be elsewhere than that bar...

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  10. Really? I met Cajun just a few times, ate her food, and have sen her take in alot of crap from yes, that man behind the bar. I do know if he is the manager or not, but, I have seen him treat her like crap under the bus. I watched as she not only made some awesome food, presented it like it was a 5 star kitchen, but, I saw her even bring this wonderful food to my table full of friends, with a huge smile and said to us all, "Please enjoy", then ran back to the kitchen to keep bringing more out. Here she is, one person, cooking, and taking food out, and repeating it on a very busy night, as the bartenders, (more than 1) behind the bar, call her back to hand her an order, just so she can run back, yet again, to the kitchen and do it all over. Does she ever rest? This girl is a miracle to this place, but, no matter how badly she is treated, she smiles and keeps working so hard at her, what we all saw, passion. She looked so warn out, so very tired, but, she kept going. Cajun is a very amazing Chef, so wonderful at what she does, I just hope more and more people appreciate everything she is doing and not looking at her as just a cook. She will make it big some day, I promise you this! We are planning our next trip to Denver to Herbar just to eat more of her food and to support her 101%. I do not think what you said on your blog is right about her. This is one girl who has so much passion and love in her work, someone with a heart so huge, and a girl who is very sensitive and just for nothing, does not stop. It was 6 of us on a Saturday night, and, all the way back home to Aspen, we did nothing but talk about how amazing Cajun is. Very amazing person, she is a true meaning to life!

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  11. *Seen* , *I do not know*
    Beverly and friends
    We love you Cajun, do not know you, but, adore you and your hard passion of work!

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